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Their Drinking, your problem?
Are you concerned about someone else's drinking?
If you are worried about whether someone close to you is drinking too much, you may benefit from support.
What is a drinking problem?
People often want to know “Is (s)he an alcoholic?” a more useful question may be “Is his/her drinking causing problems for themselves or other people?” If the answer is yes, then that is a drink problem.
Some people who drink heavily over a period of time may reach a stage where their body is so used to having a certain level of alcohol on board that they may become ill without it. Medical assistance is often needed to help people through this stage, which can be dangerous as well as unpleasant. |
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How much is too much?
The more we drink, the greater the risk to our physical and psychological health and well-being. Each person is going to be different for a variety of reasons. Recommended limits for adult men are no more than 3-4 units a day, and for adult women, no more than 2-3 units a day.
Alcohol is measured in units. A unit is equal to:
- A half pint measure of standard strength beer, lager or cider (3.5%)
- A 125ml glass of wine (8%)
- A single pub measure of spirit (37.5%)
We might notice some of these
- Being unable to cope socially without drinking
- Increasing the amount and frequency of drinking
- Organising life to ensure that alcohol is available
- Feeling irritable, shaking or sweating heavily in the morning or during the night
- Being angry if their drinking is mentioned
- Lying about or covering up drinking
- Having accidents, injuries or arguments connected with drinking
- Becoming difficult to be with because of mood and behaviour changes connected with drinking
- Not looking after themselves or their environment
- Causing embarrassing scenes
- Behaving violently
- Getting into trouble as a result of drinking
- Borrowing or stealing money
- Debts hidden
Is alcohol beginning to affect your relationships?
In some situations where a person is drinking heavily, there may be difficulties in a number of areas:
- Routines, i.e. bedtimes
- Family rituals, such as eating meals are disrupted
- Communication
- Finance
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- Social life
- Relationships are under strain
- Children
- Family events are spoiled
Are there things that I can do?
If you can begin talking openly about the drinking, you can start to work together to see what works and what would be of help. Compromise may be needed on both sides.
It can be difficult to change long-established drinking habits and several attempts are often made before lasting change is achieved. If changes are made and maintained, this will usually have a significant impact on all aspects of the individual’s relationships. Some of the problems which were thought to be caused by alcohol may still exist.
Things to try
- Talk to the person when they are reasonably sober and tell them calmly about your concerns. You will know when this is safe to do.
- Listen to them. Find out how they feel about their drinking, and how it helps them.
- Encourage them to look at the effect alcohol is having on their life rather than asking them to accept a label such as ‘alcoholic’
- Talk to someone about what is happening, perhaps a friend or family member you feel comfortable with, or seek help from your GP or an alcohol counsellor.
- Be consistent and clear about what action you will take if it still happens.
- Ensure that you make space in your life for things that help you to feel good.
- Seek support for yourself.
Things to avoid
- Trying to control the drinker’s behaviour i.e. by taking their drink from them or pouring it down the sink.
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- Making it easier to drink by buying alcohol for them or providing the money for it.
- Covering up for the drinker or rescuing them from difficulties they have got into because of drinking.
- Joining in the heavy drinking, as it looks like you think it’s ok.
- Making ultimatums unless you are prepared to carry them out.
What will happen if I get in touch with Drinksense?
You can ring us to discuss your concerns, and/or you can come in and talk to our relative’s worker. This is a new development and access to a relatives worker varies from site to site. Please see our contacts page for details of where this service is on offer.
A walk-in service operates at 79a Eastfield Road in Peterborough, which offers an opportunity to call in and discuss any concerns you may have about someone else’s drinking, and other issues or concerns you have around alcohol use. Please see the Contacts page for details of when this service is open.
Drinksense is a confidential service. If you attend any of our services it is not shared with third parties without your consent. What you say is confidential to us.
However confidentiality may be broken if there was a court subpoena, a child protection issue or if we were concerned about someone harming themselves or someone else. Click here to learn more about Drinksense
What about children who live in families where there is a problem with alcohol?
Drinksense run a project for children in Peterborough from age 5 to 13, who live in a family where there is a problem with alcohol. The aim is to reduce the effect their family circumstances may have on them as they grow up. For more information about our services for young people, please see our Young Person’s page.
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